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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28278765">The history of love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lestibournes/pseuds/lestibournes'>lestibournes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Cosmere - Brandon Sanderson, Stormlight Archive - Brandon Sanderson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Character Study, I'm Bad At Tagging, a little bit rlainarin as a treat, row spoilers free, tw // bullying, tw // parent death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:29:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,211</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28278765</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lestibournes/pseuds/lestibournes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Renarin Kholin learned what love meant</p><p>“Part of me is made of glass, and also, I love you.”<br/>― Nicole Krauss, The History of Love</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The history of love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ever since Renarin was little, he knew he was not like Adolin. He knew people liked to make fun of him. He was so different. Even his name was unusual. He liked it though; his mother had given him his name. He had loved her, fiercely, and still loved her. Once, he had a fit in public and everyone saw. They looked at him as if he was a whitespine in a cage, for display, for them to laugh at. <em> Who smells chull dung? </em> Their laughter shot through him like arrows, making him feel small. Afterward, in his room ( <em> he wouldn’t let Adolin in, even with all his pounding on the door </em>) he hugged his knees and tried to make himself even smaller.</p><p> </p><p>Renarin knew his father longed for him to become a capable soldier like himself and Adolin, he wished for it too. He had prayed to the Almighty that his ailment would go away and that he would be more fitting for combat training, but every day he woke up feeling no different from the day before. He watched Adolin swing his practice sword with ease and the brightest smile and swore he would try to do it like him too. Then maybe father would look at him in the eyes and call him son.</p><p> </p><p>Renarin didn’t have friends, so he spent a lot of time with his mother, before she was gone. And then he spent a lot of time alone, after she was gone. Until one day Aunt Navani saw him burning incense in his room and offered to write glyph for him to burn. Prayers for his mother. Renarin watched the glyph come alive with each stroke<em> . </em> Firm, yet gentle. The glyph mixed with Mashala’s tears and his. Renarin then smiled at her and together they burned it and watched the smoke rise, sending their wishes to the Almighty. Then before she left, she hugged him. Tightly. It was a big and comforting hug that warmed Renarin from the inside. </p><p> </p><p>At times, Adolin would ask Renarin to spend time with him and whoever he was courting at that time. Renarin knew Adolin only wanted to include him, and to see what Renarin thought of his date, but Renarin often didn’t wish to go. Not because he was jealous of either one of them, but because he knew people said nasty things about him behind his back. (<em>Was she one of them?</em>) There was another thing though, Renarin didn’t know why, but he could never in a thousand years imagine himself with a girl. Not that a girl would want anything to do with him anyway.</p><p> </p><p>Renarin hadn’t spent much time socializing like his brother, so when someone grabbed him by the shoulder and shoved him onto the ground, he failed to recognize his bullies. He couldn’t tell by the colors of their outfits what houses they belonged in either. One of them put his foot on Renarin’s chest, preventing him from getting up. <em> Look how dirty you made my boot, </em> he said, with a smirk on his lips. Fear paralyzed Renarin. He wished for his brother, or his father, to come to get him, but he knew Adolin was with his sword master at that moment and his father was drunk. Renarin’s face was smeared with dirt. He thought of his mother. Oh how he wished to feel her love again, to feel protected from all the bad things on Roshar. But she was gone and he was alone. He felt a sharp pain in his little heart, but then with the pain there also came some kind of strength. <em> I will protect myself, mother </em> . Then He spoke with ever so clear a voice: <em> If you don’t let me go I will give you my blood weakness. </em> His own words nauseated him. His bullies laughed, but all - except the only having his foot on him - took a step backward. Renarin started coughing violently. The boot was immediately removed from his chest and Renarin pulled himself up. His stomach twisted in knots. <em> He’s bluffing </em>, one of them said. Then they started throwing rocks at him. Renarin could no longer hold back tears. He screamed at the top of his lungs as he cried, that scared them off, leaving Renarin alone to kneel down on the ground to sob.</p><p> </p><p>What was love? Renarin tried to understand it. He loved his mother and brother and they had loved him back, but that was only one form of love. Love came in many forms, so as the Ardent had claimed. Was that love between his father and mother? Was that love between his uncle, the King, and his aunt, the Queen? Was that love between Adolin and whoever he was courting? Adolin did seem different after he started courting that ward of Jasnah, Shallan. Renarin thought it could be love, but he wasn’t sure. All in all, Renarin got no answer. </p><p> </p><p>Renarin understood the other kind of love some time after joining Bridge Four. The friendship, the comradeship, was also <em> love </em>in his definition of love. He noted to himself: Love made you feel warm and safe. Love made you want to join your friends next to the campfire. Love made you not mind sitting on the wet ground. Love made you want to share your stew with someone you love. Later, he did the dishes with a smile on his face and wished his mother had been there to see him this happy.</p><p> </p><p>Renarin was truly happy for his father and aunt. He believed his mother, <em> oh may her memory be a blessing </em>, would be happy for them too. Adolin grinned at him, giving him a pat on the shoulder, he smiled back. They had talked about this before, and his brother agreed. A part of his mother lived in both of them, her sons. And they’d kept their love for her as bright as a newly-infused sphere, nothing would ever change that. </p><p> </p><p>Never once in his life did Renarin ever feel like he fit in, until Bridge Four. But then he bonded a spren and became a Radiant, he felt like he wasn’t a member of Bridge Four any longer. Why did he always have to be so different? Others, although not all, had become Windrunner squires, but he had to become a Truthwatcher and bonded with a spren who was also different. Which just made him even more different. He didn’t resent it though, he just wished he wasn’t always the outsider. He kneaded the dough Rock had given him furiously. But then Rock pointed toward Rlain. </p><p> </p><p>Renarin found time to spend with Rlain when he could. They didn’t talk much at first, only exchanging polite nods. But over time, they started talking about small things like the weather. And more days passed, they talked about feeling like outsiders. And Renarin thought it was nice to have someone who seemed to understand him. There was also this strange feeling emerging in him that made him somehow feel more nervous than usual when he was around Rlain; a feeling that left his mouth dry and his little heart beating faster. He had never had such feelings toward anyone, but Renarin believed he understood another kind of love now. </p><p><br/>
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